Richard: Man, I'm a ground service agent. I don't know what that is. Richard: Start it up and get it to go. There a couple hours, I guess. Yeah, I wouldn't know how to land it. I wasn't really planning on landing it. Richard: ... just some guy who knows all about it? ATC: ... knows how to fly one of those aircraft, but we'll see what we can do and get you in contact with somebody. Richard: Alrighty, uhh.. yeah.. I just kinda want to do a couple maneuvers; see what it can do before I put her down, you know. ATC: ... so I can reach out to you a little bit easier. Richard: Threw up a little bit. ATC: I'm sorry, say that again. Richard: Sorry, my mic came up. I threw up a little bit. Uhh.. You know. I uh... hold.. ah, shoot. Man, I'm sorry about this. I hope this doesn't ruin your day. ATC: Just flying the plane around... you seem comfortable with that? Richard: Oh hell yeah. It's a blast! Man, I've played video games, before, sooo... I uhh... Yeah, I know what I'm doin' a little bit. ATC: OK, and you can see all of the terrain around you uhh... you've got no issue with visibility or anything? Richard: Nahh, everything's peachy. Peach-clean. Just did a little circle around Rainier. It's beautiful! Um... I think I got some gas to go check out uhhh... the Olympics and uhh.. yeah. ATC: OK, and Rich... Do you know... are you able to tell what altitude you're at? Richard: I threw up all inside of it. It's bad. Richard: ... join . I was thinking about it and then ... uh... probably good thing I didn't. Richard: Yeah, that's all mumbo jum... I have no idea what all that means. I wouldn't know how to .. uhh.. punch it in. I'm ... I'm .. uhh... off autopilot. Richard: You taking me to the jets?! ATC: No, I'm not taking you to any jets. I'm actually keeping you away from any aircraft that are trying to land at SeaTac. Richard: Ooh! Ok. Yeah, yeah. I don't want to screw with that. I'm glad .. uhh.. I'm glad you're not ... uh .. you know ... screwin' up everyone else's day. On account of me. Richard: I'm uhh... I'm down to 2100. I started at like thirty-something. ATC: Rich, you said you have two thousand, one hundred pounds of fuel left? Richard: Yeah, uhh... I don't know what the burn... burnage? Burnout? is like on .. uhh.. uhh.. takeoff, but uhh... it burned quite a bit faster than I expected. ATC: There is the... uhh... the runway just off your right side in about a mile. Do you see that? That's the... uhh... that's the uhh.. that's McCord ... uh... Field. Richard: Awww, man... Those guys would rough me up if I... uhh... tried landing there. I think I'd... I think I might mess something up, there, too. I wouldn't want to do that. Uh... hopefully... Uh oh! They probably got anti-aircraft! ATC: No... Heh... They don't have any of that stuff. We're just trying to find a place for you to land safely. Richard: Yeah, not quite ready to bring it down just yet, but hoooly smokes. I gotta.. I gotta stop looking at the fuel 'cause it's going down quick. ATC: Ok, Rich. If you could, could you start a left-hand turn? And, uh.. we'll take you down to the uh... Southeast, please? Richard: This is probably ... uh... like jail time for life, huh? Man, I would hope it is for a guy like me? ATC: Well, Rich. We're not going to worry or think about that, but could you start a left-hand turn, please? ATC: ... and, uh... he's going to try and help you out a little bit, here, ok? ATC: And I think you might have some questions, Rich. I've got a pilot on with us and uh.. if you've got any questions, you can ask him, now. Richard: Hey, uh... well, first off... you're a little ... little breaking up a bit. Ummm... Maybe I'm too far away. What's the distance on this frequency? Richard: Uh... (too low. terrain) you are uhh... very calm, collect voice. ATC: 400 -- apparently the uhh.. a grounds crewman heh.. with .. uhh.. Horizon, I guess. And, uh... right now, he's just flying around and ... uh... he just needs some help controlling his aircraft. Capt Bill.: Very good ... [stepped on by Rich] Richard: Nah, I mean... I don't need that much help. I've played some video games, before. Uhh.. I would like to figure out how to get this cabin altitu... like I know where the box is. I would like to get some uhhh... make it ... make it pressurized or something, so I'm not so lightheaded. Capt. Bill: Rich, what's your altitude? Richard: Yeah, I don't know anything. Uhh.. I don't know anything about the auto pilot. I'm just kinda hand flying right now. Capt. Bill: Ok. Do you know how fast you're going? Richard: ... uh... minimum wage. We'll... We'll.. uh... chalk it up to that. Maybe that'll ... uh.. grease the gears a little bit with the higher-ups. Maybe, uhh... yeah. Richard: I think I lost you behind some hills a little bit. I'm coming back up. Richard: ...(???) nothings into my ear (???) [unintelligible] Richard: Damnit, Andrew! People's lives are at stake, here. ATC: Now, Rich. Don't... Don't say stuff like that. Richard: Nah, I told ya. I'm not... I don't wanna hurt no-one. I just wantcha to whisper sweet nothings into my ear. Richard: You think that'd be better than uhh.. trying to land it? Like, I know how to put the landing gear down. Capt. Bill: Put your uhh.. your power at probably 50%. That would be the two, top gauges, right in the center on that glass uh.. display there. And then, press, uhh... well. Tell me, uh... Do your power at 50%, or tell me whatcha got. Richard: Yeah, I got it like flight idle. Capt. Bill: Well, that's too slow. Bring it up to like fifty. Capt. Bill: ..ther side, on the bottom, it says, "HDG" and it's got a little, blue M on it. You can crank that around and .. uh ... you know what, tell ya what. Let's just do this. Uhhm. Push. Do you see the HDD.. HDG button uhh.. right by that little thumb wheel? Richard: I didn't know you could do that with these things! Uhh... so, ah.. what would... If you were to do it, how would you do it? Capt. Bill: Well, I'd try to figure out how to use the auto pilot, first. Capt. Bill: ... not concentrate so much on flying the airplane. Richard: Hey, you think if I land this successfully, Alaska would give me a job as a pilot? Capt. Bill: You know, I think they would give you a job doing anything if you could pull this off. Richard: Yeah, right! Nahh, I'm a white guy. They'd... Richard: .. yeah, you do you, man. Thanks. Hey, FAA, guy [??? Andrew] You on? ATC: Yeah, I'm still here, Rich. Richard: ... and, but... kinda not, either. ATC: ...there... uhh... If you wanted to land. Probably the best bet is that uh.. runway just ahead and to your left. Again, that's uh.. McCord Field. Ummm.. If you wanted to try, that might be the best way to set up and see if you can land, there. Or just like the uh.. pilot suggested, another option would be over Puget Sound, in to the water. Richard: Dang. Uhh... Did you talk to McCord, yet, because I don't think I'd be happy with you telling me I could land like that 'cause I could mess some stuff up. ATC: Well, Rich, we already talked to 'em. And, uh... Just like me, what we want to see is you not get hurt or anybody else get hurt. So, like I said, if you want to try to land, that's probably the best place to go. Richard: Hey, I want the coordinates of that orca, with.. uh.. you know? The momma orca with the baby? I wanna go see that guy. ATC: Behind you, there is another aircraft. Would you be willing to talk to them, if they're on the frequency, and maybe they can help you land? Richard: ... back and get into the waaa-ter [???] Hey, what's the ... what's that airport right there, behind me? Like, to my left? ATC: OK, Rich. Well, first of all, we'd ... we just need you to keep flying the aircraft. So, if you could, just stay there, and keep flying the aircraft. The air... The, uh... The airport you just passed over, on your left, that's the, uh... Tacoma Narrows airport. I mean, that's also an option, if you wanna try going there. But, uh... Like I said, earlier: McCord, that's the... that's the bigger runway. If you wanted to try to land, there. Richard: Aw, this is disgusting... one sec. Capt. Bill: Hey, Rich. This is captain Bill, here. We're still uhh.. listening. My airplane's doing just fine. How's yours? ATC: Like he said, it would be a better option, I think, if you tried to land it, or even land it on the water. Richard: Yeah. Hey, is that pilot on? I wanna know uhh what this weather is going to be like in the Olympics. Capt. Bill: Well, if you can see the Olympics, the weather's good. I can see the Olympics from my window, and it looks pretty good over there. Richard: Alright, 'cause I di... I hit some uhh... felt like turbulence around Rainier, but there was no clouds, hardly. Capt. Bill: Well, that's just the uhh the wind blowing over all the bumpy surfaces there. Richard: Oh, copy that. ATC: Yeah, but Rich, if you could... uh... maybe start a left-hand turn, start turning back around, because if you get too close to the Olympics, uh.. you won't be able to hear us any more. ATC: Turn back around, here. Like I said, I... just want to keep talking to you and if you keep going towards the Olympic mountains, we won't be able to hear each other. ATC: Turn back around, so we can uhh stay in contact with you. Richard: I've got a lot of people that care about me and, uh... it's going to disappoint them that... to hear that I did this. I would like to apologize to each and every one of them. Umm.. Just a broken guy. Got a few screws loose, I guess. Never really knew it *clears throat*, until know. uhhm.. Just ... you know. ATC: Want to uhh... come in here and start talking to Rich as well. Richard: [???] easy to come by? Richard: Man, have you been to the Olympics? These guys are gorgeous! Holy smokes! ATC: Yeah, I have been out there. It's always a nice drive. Richard: but ... [???] I think I might have [???] ATC: Yeah, I... Yeah, I bet you do. I haven't done much hiking over there. And, uh... but if you could... if you could start a left turn and, uh, turn back towards the East... I know you're getting a good view, there, but uh, if you go too much further in that direction, I won't be able to hear you any more. Richard: Alrighty. Uh... Hey, pilot guy. Can this thing do a, uh... a backflip, you think? Richard: ... don't think I'm gonna land it. I'm ... like, uh... in a safe... safe kind of manner. Think I'm, uhh... Think I'm gonna try to do a barrel roll and if that goes good, then I'm just gonna nose down and call it a night. Capt. Bill: Well, Rich, before you do that. Uhh... Let's think about this. I got another uh.. pilot coming up, pilot Joel, here, in just a minute or two, I hope, and, uh... We'll be able to give you some advice on what to do next. Capt. Bill: ... we call it a bug. It's uh... like a little, blue rectangle. It's somewhere around that compass. Do you see that? Richard: Just kinda lightheaded, dizzy... uhhm... man, and, you know... the sights went by so fast, too. I was thinkin' like... I'm gonna have this moment of serenity, you know, I'll be able to take in all the sights. There's a lot of pretty stuff, but um.. I think they're prettier in a different context. Capt. Bill: ... on the right hand side, uh.. above ya. On the right hand side air conditioning panel. You'll see it. It's a big panel. There's three switches along the top of it. Make sure all three of those switches are in the down position, facing the nose of the airplane. Richard: ... about where I've been at this whole time. Capt. Bill: OK, Rich. Thank you. Richard: Twenty-five hundred, to be exact. Capt. Bill: OK, thank you. And do you have an idea of how much fuel you have left? Richard: Ah, man... Not enough. Not enough to get by. Uhh.. Like, uh... seven sixty? Seven hundred sixty pounds? Richard: I'm ... I'm just gonna do this barrel roll real quick. Capt. Bill: Well, no need to do that. If you could, just start a turn to the right, and then I'll tell you when to stop turning, and then you can keep it level from there. Richard: I wouldn't mind just shooting the shit with you guys... But, it's all business, you know? Richard: I feel like I need to be... what do you think? Like five thousand feet, at least, to be able to pull this barrel roll off? ATC: ... don't want you to get hurt, either. Uh, if you could, I see you still turning to the right. You want to maybe start making a turn back to the left a little bit? Capt. Bill: You'd be a hero if you could pull off the landing. ATC: ... start another right-hand turn? Capt. Bill: Alright, Rich. This is Captain Bill. Congratulations. You uhh did that. Now, let's uhh... Let's try to land that airplane, safely, and not hurt anybody on the ground. Richard: Aaalll-right... Nah... Damnit! I don't, man! I don't know-hoh! I don't want to. I was kinda hoping that was gonna be it, you know? Richard: ... not for long. I feel like one of my engines is going out or something. ATC: OK, Rich... uhh... if you could, you just want to keep that plane right over the water, maybe keep the aircraft nice and low?